Quite a GAP from the 1st day of LENT till now the Holy Week
begins… I started off with LENT: To give Up or Not to Give Up...is the question.
Answer?
So God knows me intimately, even from my first moments. He has a plan
for me; whatever talents I have, he can put to use.
I asked myself, do I stand in the Lord’s way, with my own plan? I
worked hard, I tried my best but now I have nothing left to give. Is this now
the lord’s time when my way seems blocked?… and then do you even know what you
want said someone once close to me… its seems to be that I may have projected
that I have hidden demons that I need to take care of… but you know what… this
year was a year of exploration… from a cheerful to others but secretive person I
decided why not… open that mouth don’t analyze everything, be open and most of
all be trusting… “if you don’t trust someone how will you know if you can trust
them… dummy testing I know! Lol.
So… as the 40 days come to an end; I wasn’t very sacrificial as I would
usually be… given up this and that... And go out of my way to do anything or
sometimes everything, I went with the flow broke all my rules. Met amazing
people, let them into my life, let me not get very hunky dory I even manage to
betray trust and break it, a lesson I will never forget and hope that If I ever
had a chance to do it all over again, I would and if not then if this is ever
read by them, hope they do believe I am ‘sorry’ and I have thought long and
hard about my actions and every-day yes! Every day I think about it I burn in
shame and I want to apologize and ask if they could take me back and if things
would go back to being the same.
So speaking of treachery there were two treacheries. Judas went out to
grab his money, betrayed Jesus, and then killed himself in despair. Peter,
despite his protests, would deny his Lord; he faced his own appalling guilt, and
then wept bitterly. His failure was not the end of the mission, but the
beginning.
What did I learn from my treachery … what I do with my failures…? I was
very kindly advised you need to know who to trust and you need to be smart…since
1979 I never came across such an experience then what happened to me…logic and
reason left the table or did I want to taste a big dollop of ‘rich cream fool’ so
I ask and beg …Teach me to trust in love and forgiveness… no matter what I have
done, and to learn from my mistakes and even from treachery.
John's gospel describes the Last Supper without mentioning the
Eucharist. Instead, it describes Jesus washing his friend's feet.
A reference “On his knees like a servant, Jesus turned human status
upside down.”
Do I celebrate servitude or am I nice to strangers and ignore people
closest to me? So now I think what was at the heart of Jesus’ mission: to
suffer appallingly and to die without faltering in his love for us. Is this is
where the gospel begins and ends. It is hard to contemplate. We shy away from
the pain and injustice in our daily lives, be it at work or at home or friends
or even community, as a catholic we have been thought the servitude, love and
forgiveness should be core of our belief …. How much of that is collecting dust
on our arterial shelves and how much do we even acknowledge it… personally,
distrust, uncertainty, revenge and sympathy for self is the center of life
I carry the nail marks in my hands from baptism. I may wander far from
the cross, but at the end I am drawn back to it. That’s just me … I have read
many books and met many people but I am sure that this is all I know and it
makes me happy makes me want to look forward to another day, learn from my
mistakes and if the gross mistake is from my side them I want to apologize and
ask for a second or as Jesus said ask and give forgiveness seventy times seven
Tonight I affirm my ancient faith: Christ has robbed death of its
ultimate sting and has invigorated this sweet, precious, precarious, once-only
life that is slipping away from us with every hour and day and year.
When I go home and stand on my balcony as I breathe the evening air,
when I catch the sweet smells of the new season, I hope to have hints of a day
that knows no ending, a light that will not yield to darkness, and a life in
these weary bodies that even creeping death will not be able to frustrate or
despoil. I yearn for new life.
Jesus has risen, and we have risen with him to new life.
Happy Easter in Advance. God Bless!
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