I watch. I wait. I Pray.
Some call it courage. Some
foolish and some unbelievable!
I call it faith.
The unknown is always difficult,
not knowing what plans will be full filled and what will never see the light is
even more disheartening.
Even months before, I knew
I was going to lose my job, I had an impending fear that unemployment was on the
horizon, the abnormal working hours the constant threats, unending bills and
debt from when I had cared for my ailing mother hang over me like a guillotine.
But I was and I feel
blessed of having that knowledge in advance.
Assuring, unwavering and matter of
fact!
I had to find ' the key' to
my financial plan.
I have x amount as salary, and xx amounts goes out for
payment which leave me a total of ‘0’ as saving, simply said I live like... lord
give me today my daily bread - salary to salary.
So throughout my
anticipation of the D-day - I have no back plan or financial aid.
If there’s one thing I've been reminded of is that God’s timing is never our own.
Employment loss - I : I honestly thought I would
have only 4-6 months of unemployment, yet it ended up being almost one year and
a half after my mother passed away in September 2010, that I landed a job with
60% cut in pay and benefits that was no coincidence.
Employment Loss - II - It was all part of my
story.
The 2nd job came at the right time.
It paid for my
pending debt, my rent and food. I lost many friends and gained and lost even
more. From age 30 – I jumped the scale to 60 ;) in emotional roller coaster
ride.
I can even say I became passionate about living below my means and was
hard pressed to find areas in my budget to cut, yet as time went on I felt my
daily manna was provided for and my life got streamlined and I honed my saving
skills. (i.e. gather all the coins around the house and finally put then in one
tin can)
And yet I did not feel I was
lacking in anything, I knew and know I was and am living large than most of the
people.
It was a time of growth. A
time of hard lessons and forced wisdom!
Because whether you’re in
the midst of financial uncertainty or not, dealing with the long term unknown
is one of the hardest lessons I’ve wrestled with in a short time.
So this brings me to Gods
Watch over us… and how do you keep cheerful and wait for it… CALM DOWN and
CARRY ON!
For all those who do not
believe in God then call it Higher power or illuminating Tree or the shining
apple! As long as you have something to believe in, hoping that something is
just around the corner and you point out and say hey! Surprise me!
When someone is unemployed
they talk in hushed tones like it’s a crime you have committed. You know what
no matter how much ever you have done, given your bestest, you will or may
still get laid off or maybe you are one those who will win the longest employment
award.
Al I can say is that the
thoughts and emotions surrounding a job loss are so intense that it can feel as
if you've been kicked in the ribs.
So as a catholic, I am
lucky to have a book (survival kit) to emotional stability to say that I am/
you are not alone in this (psalm 23)… simply
put, how to overcome the stigma of unemployment, maintain the right state of
mind, apply for unemployment benefits, thrive while unemployed, and find new
job opportunities 1:1
Even though I right now am
unemployed and sound like a cherry on top of a cake, I wish I could say that
I've always kept the faith. But there were times when I had lost my hope.
I
wish I could say that I am more prepared for "the next time" should
it happen again. But I am still learning to walk this long, and often lonely
road.
It's been a long, hard journey.
But despite the valley:
I know that God is good.
I know that He never leaves
our side.
I know that He will bring me through as I continue to walk forward
together, putting my trust in Him.
My situation rocked me to the core not only
once but many times, but in Christ I put my hope, for without Him there is no
hope.
May the God of hope
fill you with all joy and peace in believing, so that by the power of the Holy
Spirit you may abound in hope. (Romans 15:13)
I had plans and dreams,
and some of it might never come to be.
I need encouragement more than, ever it
had contributed to stress, sleepless nights, weight loss, fear, doubt and
uncertainty.
But Praise God! I have
learnt
I am my own cheer leader
I give affirmation to myself daily, and
multiple times a day.
I never thought I would do some things just to scrap by
and I did and not I am back to pavilion but all is not lost.
Do I get angry with God?
No!
But there are days now where I carry so much tension that I get headaches. I
can almost feel the anxiety oozing out of me before it leaps from my heart to
quench the joy that is buried deep inside.
I tell myself and anyone
with a listening ear I am not angry at God. This is the hardest lesson I've learned.
Dealing with my own anger my own humbling experience as to why I push Him aside
and be determined to deal with things my way.
But since my mom is gone, every day is battle just to surrender it all
back into His hands. There is nothing I can do to change our circumstances. He
promises to take care of me. He feeds the birds of the air. How much more is
His love for us!
Look at the birds of the
air: they neither sow nor reap nor gather into barns, and yet your heavenly
Father feeds them. Are you not of more value than they? (Matthew 6:26)
I thank all who have been my un-named angels, my guides, my shield, my rocks, my whiners my put on your party shoes. (each in their own style)
So I press on, putting one
foot in front of the other, running to the rock Christ Jesus for strength every
day! Amen.
