Let. There. Be. Faith.

In life, oftentimes we are waiting for something; waiting for a dream to come to pass, waiting to meet the right person, waiting for a problem to turn around. When things aren’t happening as fast as we would like, it’s easy to get frustrated. 

But you have to realize that the moment you prayed,God/universe/the divine (whatever mighty power you believe in has established a set time to bring the promise to pass.

There is always a set time for your opportunity. 

There is a set time for that problem to turn around, a set time for your healing, your promotion, your breakthrough. 

It may be tomorrow, or next week, or five years from now. But when you understand the time has already been set, it takes all the pressure off. 

You won’t live worried, wondering when this is ever going to happen. 

You’ll relax and enjoy your life knowing that the promise has already been scheduled and your answer is on the way!

Affirmation for today:

I choose to trust in the right timing. I trust that this life has my best in mind. I believe that It is working behind the scenes on my behalf. Thank You for all the blessing I already have and for ordering my steps in the future and leading me in the life of blessing that is in store for me. Amen.

Let.There.Be.Light

"Light shines in the darkness for the godly…" (Psalms 112:4a, NLT)

Everyone goes through times in life that seem dark or heavy. You may be going through something right now, and you don’t see how it could ever work out. You don’t have the funds. The problems look insurmountable. But if you will stay breakthrough–minded and focused on what God can do, His Word promises that the light will come bursting in. Notice, it’s not going to trickle in. It’s not going to barely get there. No, like a flood, like the breaking forth of waters, it will come bursting in. That means, suddenly, things will change in your favor.

When things seem dark, don’t start complaining. Don’t get negative and sour. Remember, God likes to do things suddenly. Keep reminding yourself that the light is about to come bursting in! It may be today, may be tomorrow, next week, next month, next year. But know this: your breakthrough is on the way!

Mustard Seed Grows

I watch. I wait. I Pray.

Some call it courage. Some foolish and some unbelievable!

I call it faith.

The unknown is always difficult, not knowing what plans will be full filled and what will never see the light is even more disheartening.

Even months before, I knew I was going to lose my job, I had an impending fear that unemployment was on the horizon, the abnormal working hours the constant threats, unending bills and debt from when I had cared for my ailing mother hang over me like a guillotine.

But I was and I feel blessed of having that knowledge in advance. 

Assuring, unwavering and matter of fact!

I had to find ' the key'  to my financial plan. 

I have x amount as salary, and xx amounts goes out for payment which leave me a total of ‘0’ as saving, simply said I live like... lord give me today my daily bread - salary to salary.

So throughout my anticipation of the D-day  - I have no back plan or financial aid.

If there’s one thing I've been reminded of is that God’s timing is never our own.

Employment loss - I : I honestly thought I would have only 4-6 months of unemployment, yet it ended up being almost one year and a half after my mother passed away in September 2010, that I landed a job with 60% cut in pay and benefits that was no coincidence. 

Employment Loss - II - It was all part of my story.

The 2nd job came at the right time.

It paid for my pending debt, my rent and food. I lost many friends and gained and lost even more. From age 30 – I jumped the scale to 60 ;) in emotional roller coaster ride. 

I can even say I became passionate about living below my means and was hard pressed to find areas in my budget to cut, yet as time went on I felt my daily manna was provided for and my life got streamlined and I honed my saving skills. (i.e. gather all the coins around the house and finally put then in one tin can)

And yet I did not feel I was lacking in anything, I knew and know I was and am living large than most of the people.

It was a time of growth. A time of hard lessons and forced wisdom!

Because whether you’re in the midst of financial uncertainty or not, dealing with the long term unknown is one of the hardest lessons I’ve wrestled with in a short time.

So this brings me to Gods Watch over us… and how do you keep cheerful and wait for it… CALM DOWN and CARRY ON!

For all those who do not believe in God then call it Higher power or illuminating Tree or the shining apple! As long as you have something to believe in, hoping that something is just around the corner and you point out and say hey! Surprise me!

When someone is unemployed they talk in hushed tones like it’s a crime you have committed. You know what no matter how much ever you have done, given your bestest, you will or may still get laid off or maybe you are one those who will win the longest employment award.

Al I can say is that the thoughts and emotions surrounding a job loss are so intense that it can feel as if you've been kicked in the ribs.

So as a catholic, I am lucky to have a book (survival kit) to emotional stability to say that I am/ you are not alone in this (psalm 23)… simply put, how to overcome the stigma of unemployment, maintain the right state of mind, apply for unemployment benefits, thrive while unemployed, and find new job opportunities 1:1

Even though I right now am unemployed and sound like a cherry on top of a cake, I wish I could say that I've always kept the faith. But there were times when I had lost my hope. 

I wish I could say that I am more prepared for "the next time" should it happen again. But I am still learning to walk this long, and often lonely road.

It's been a long, hard journey. But despite the valley:

I know that God is good. 

I know that He never leaves our side. 

I know that He will bring me through as I continue to walk forward together, putting my trust in Him. 

My situation rocked me to the core not only once but many times, but in Christ I put my hope, for without Him there is no hope.

May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace in believing, so that by the power of the Holy Spirit you may abound in hope. (Romans 15:13)

I had plans and dreams, and some of it might never come to be. 

I need encouragement more than, ever it had contributed to stress, sleepless nights, weight loss, fear, doubt and uncertainty.

But Praise God! I have learnt 

I am my own cheer leader

I give affirmation to myself daily, and multiple times a day. 

I never thought I would do some things just to scrap by and I did and not I am back to pavilion but all is not lost.

Do I get angry with God?

No! But there are days now where I carry so much tension that I get headaches. I can almost feel the anxiety oozing out of me before it leaps from my heart to quench the joy that is buried deep inside.

I tell myself and anyone with a listening ear I am not angry at God. This is the hardest lesson I've learned. Dealing with my own anger my own humbling experience as to why I push Him aside and be determined to deal with things my way.  But since my mom is gone, every day is battle just to surrender it all back into His hands. There is nothing I can do to change our circumstances. He promises to take care of me. He feeds the birds of the air. How much more is His love for us!

Look at the birds of the air: they neither sow nor reap nor gather into barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not of more value than they? (Matthew 6:26)

I thank all who have been my un-named angels, my guides, my shield, my rocks, my whiners  my put on your party shoes. (each in their own style)

So I press on, putting one foot in front of the other, running to the rock Christ Jesus for strength every day! Amen.

The Fact of Existance

Last few days upto the New Years the papers were full of news on Murder, Rape, Injustice, War, Calamities... it becomes very difficult to give 'Baba' or Hallucinatory'' Talks... Karisa have you been Sm*king... Well! no!

Like others, I can post news clips or join and sign petitions and stand and hold candles in the Vigil... There is so much I want to do but I am far away from the situation... and the moment. 

All I can do is Prayer my small prayer and hold on to the ever lasting Hope of a Change in this World.

{Imagine this the time there are people shedding tears for a lose of a loved one... there are others shedding tears for the birth of some} 

Just a few days ago I came across a blog last night called The Lost Art of Self Preservation (for Women). In a sidebar statement, the writer (Grerp), a librarian and stay-at-home-mom writes:

"The Truth: Life isn't fair. Being alive doesn't entitle you to anything. Women are ensuring their own downfall with their selfish behavior and short-term outlook. Men are bigger than women, stronger than women, and more violent than women. For the past half century our legal system has acted outside their interest, and men have taken the vast share of economic hits in this most recent recession. A backlash is coming. The pendelum is starting to swing back. What are you going to do to prepare for it?"

I found this negative and  overly demeaning... While all have taken the toll of recession in our day to day life... and most particularly when I read about the comments given by prominent members of the political parties or Self acclaimed God Men!  There is only one thought that jumps to my mind ..while the world is progressing forwards i think some sections from my side of town where hidden in a world hole and it just skipped a few generations the amount of illiterate, unjustified, over the top and plain 'Are you Stupid' and "what the H*ll escaped from your mouth'.

I think we are programmed to self -preserve since birth... its contradicting sometimes... we are taught that Hatred and injustice is caused by difference in religion or color or caste and silently we ignore that as a girl you are dependent and you cannot live on! and be yourself! not to sound feminist but can you as a women walk free in the middle of the night? no! can you wear shorts just cause you want them to? or should you think twice as to what picture are you protraying and are you going to attract unwanted attention to your self? 

So say this is western influence. I say if I was Eve and had a choice of wear Red! leaf to cover myself than the usual green to look and feel good. rather than just so that ADAM can notice me... then Adam can go F*ck himself! 

I am not Blaming anybody MEN or WOMEN. 

Period. 

We are all to blame for our own mistakes. You made your bed now lie in it. RAPE! Murder! is Wrong. You did it You pay for it!  

This is where our system comes into picture while we are now vigorously working on new rules and fast track what not. These are welcomed, a society is ever evolving and I for one am all for giving it a chance and raising my hand up! if it pinches me. 

In my country our culture is founded on oppression and especially for women  majority of them come from a patriarchal society where ... we are numb to what is being said or done. but now I see an awakening thank you to social media... this brings to light all the thing that have been sitting comfortably in the closet... all the mouths that have been shut seal due to hopelessness... its better to raise your hand now and shout help! than wait till the waves runth over and this phase is over.

Time Flies... and in this age and time people get bored and move on... from I gotta feeling to gimme everything tonight and landing on Gangnum Style... Stupid! Stupider! to Stupidiest!

Welcome 2013

I learned much about attachment and aversion, excitement to highest high and lowest low and how everything is perfect, things happen for a reason, the universe imposes some beautiful order on our existence. 

I held all these beliefs before, but now I look at them differently, more clearly than I did previously. I've found that to be true of many things in my life: through many eyes I can see how hopelessly and bitterly hatred shaped my world, how love could change everything. How it does change everything. How I can change my everything through love and open mind.

Circle of Life. 

Sadly, we are not born with manuals then how technical life would be! but we make our life as we go.. with the choices we make and the path be create for ourselves some out of clear focus and choice and some just happen.

Image courtesy: http://oppressioninvisibleshackles.blogspot.com/

LENT: Finale

Quite a GAP from the 1^st day of LENT till now the Holy Week begins… I started off with LENT: To give Up or Not to Give Up...is the question. Answer?

So God knows me intimately, even from my first moments. He has a plan for me; whatever talents I have, he can put to use.

I asked myself, do I stand in the Lord’s way, with my own plan? I worked hard, I tried my best but now I have nothing left to give. Is this now the lord’s time when my way seems blocked?… and then do you even know what you want said someone once close to me… its seems to be that I may have projected that I have hidden demons that I need to take care of… but you know what… this year was a year of exploration… from a cheerful to others but secretive person I decided why not… open that mouth don’t analyze everything, be open and most of all be trusting… “if you don’t trust someone how will you know if you can trust them… dummy testing I know! Lol.

So… as the 40 days come to an end; I wasn’t very sacrificial as I would usually be… given up this and that... And go out of my way to do anything or sometimes everything, I went with the flow broke all my rules. Met amazing people, let them into my life, let me not get very hunky dory I even manage to betray trust and break it, a lesson I will never forget and hope that If I ever had a chance to do it all over again, I would and if not then if this is ever read by them, hope they do believe I am ‘sorry’ and I have thought long and hard about my actions and every-day yes! Every day I think about it I burn in shame and I want to apologize and ask if they could take me back and if things would go back to being the same.

So speaking of treachery there were two treacheries. Judas went out to grab his money, betrayed Jesus, and then killed himself in despair. Peter, despite his protests, would deny his Lord; he faced his own appalling guilt, and then wept bitterly. His failure was not the end of the mission, but the beginning.

What did I learn from my treachery … what I do with my failures…? I was very kindly advised you need to know who to trust and you need to be smart…since 1979 I never came across such an experience then what happened to me…logic and reason left the table or did I want to taste a big dollop of ‘rich cream fool’ so I ask and beg …Teach me to trust in love and forgiveness… no matter what I have done, and to learn from my mistakes and even from treachery.

John's gospel describes the Last Supper without mentioning the Eucharist. Instead, it describes Jesus washing his friend's feet.

A reference “On his knees like a servant, Jesus turned human status upside down.”

Do I celebrate servitude or am I nice to strangers and ignore people closest to me? So now I think what was at the heart of Jesus’ mission: to suffer appallingly and to die without faltering in his love for us. Is this is where the gospel begins and ends. It is hard to contemplate. We shy away from the pain and injustice in our daily lives, be it at work or at home or friends or even community, as a catholic we have been thought the servitude, love and forgiveness should be core of our belief …. How much of that is collecting dust on our arterial shelves and how much do we even acknowledge it… personally, distrust, uncertainty, revenge and sympathy for self is the center of life

I carry the nail marks in my hands from baptism. I may wander far from the cross, but at the end I am drawn back to it. That’s just me … I have read many books and met many people but I am sure that this is all I know and it makes me happy makes me want to look forward to another day, learn from my mistakes and if the gross mistake is from my side them I want to apologize and ask for a second or as Jesus said ask and give forgiveness seventy times seven

Tonight I affirm my ancient faith: Christ has robbed death of its ultimate sting and has invigorated this sweet, precious, precarious, once-only life that is slipping away from us with every hour and day and year.

When I go home and stand on my balcony as I breathe the evening air, when I catch the sweet smells of the new season, I hope to have hints of a day that knows no ending, a light that will not yield to darkness, and a life in these weary bodies that even creeping death will not be able to frustrate or despoil. I yearn for new life.

Jesus has risen, and we have risen with him to new life.

Happy Easter in Advance. God Bless!

Sing Song

I face the world with a smile, no one knows what is hid inside.
They see only happiness, they cant see the tears I've cried.

When I am alone I hurt, because here I do it well.
In front of all the watchful eyes my heaven turns to hell.

The judge and jury awaits me, everyone has a say.
In a life that hangs suspended for yet another day.

Who are they to judge if what I have done is right or wrong?
In the end I gave Her up, but inside still sing Her song.
I don't know how to find the strength I thought I had.
If only I could play tough it wouldn't be so bad.

They say that life goes on and someday I'll smile again.
But, how do they know my pain without being where I've been?

I've traveled so far from home, and can't find my way back.
Somewhere along the way I must have jumped the track.

I saw her just few days back and Her smile is still the same.
She looked at me so sweetly, but never spoke my name.
I wonder if she remembers me, It hasn't been that long.

She may have forgotten me, but I still sing Her song.

Forgive them even if they are not sorry.

"Forgive them even if they are not sorry."

When you are able to forgive others, even if they are unapologetic for the wrongs that they have committed against you, only then will your mind truly be free. Those who are willing to hold grudges against those who trespass against them are only doing their own selves a disservice. Being unforgiving to someone doesn't benefit any person at all. It causes pain to be experienced over and over again that just doesn't need to be thought about on such a high level.

Being unforgiving also tends to distort a person's viewpoint on life as a whole. Instead of being able to take risks, and see opportunities for what they really are, those who are unforgiving take less risks, and only see what life is from their own point of view, since they are less willing to trust in others and their experiences. So forgive, forgive when they apologize, and when they are not sorry, doing so will free your soul, and let you live to reach your greatest potential.

There are blessings hidden in misfortunes, hidden in curses,my inauthenticity became my guilt..then i remembered that even poisons can be used as medicine and tehy can become life-enhancing..

I felt guilty, and tried to see why I was feeling guilty. Yes, felt helpless. Right! And my actions made me feel ignorant -- In my ignorance I have done many things which were not as they should be -- that, too, is right.

So I acccept this helplessness, this ignorance, and pray. Let your tears come down, confess, repent, say to God/ or anyone / or some higher power, "I was helpless, I was ignorant, and I could not do better. And I still cannot do better, unless you help.

As I am, I will again go wrong. As I am, I will again betray you. I cannot rely on myself. Help me. Only your grace can save me."

so would i forgive if I was wronged? cause I am weak and i'd feel bad after looking at the effort they made to ask forgiveness or would i forgive when i would know that people make mistakes...I know every thing happens for a reason... but lately have no reason why it happened the way it happened... man! sometimes i think my world would have been a happier place if i practiced a little bit of psychology i studied in college... but come to think of it...

Am I the kind of person who loves playing mind games no! in the whirlwind of what was going on i felt like i was facing a multiple choice question and the choices were confusing ... the question was pretty straight forward... all i know is that ... i wish ... after knowing how I made that person feel bad and they will know in their heart to make things up... coz i am not someone who is very very good with the word sorry ... i truly feel it! so Forgive me for my mistakes, i am still a kid learning the responsibility of being an adult